People Reveal The Reasons They Gave a Second Chance to Cheating Partners
by Shara Mae Balce, April 17, 2019 5:00pm
Art by Allen Mirambel
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Betrayal, on the other hand, is the destruction of a strong and healthy one—it deeply changes the nature of a relationship and turns everything into distress.
Choosing whether to stay with someone who cheated in the relationship is emotionally draining—even toxic to a point. For some people, there’s no other way but to end the relationship. But there are others who find the strength to stay, give another chance and move on. And no one’s in any position to judge either choice. But to understand, we asked a few people why they gave their partners a second chance and here’s what they have to say.
“I felt angry and betrayed for the first few months and distanced myself from his explanations. But I forgave him even before he apologized—not because he deserves it, but because I deserve peace. Accepting someone who broke my heart is a risk, yet I chose it still because I don’t want to wonder on the what ifs. With all the lessons learned when we’re not together, and with a new perspective, it’s really who you [want to] struggle with, so we work it out as a team, we’re happier now than we were before.”
- Jessie, 23
“Ilang beses nang nagmababae asawa ko, ayun pinatawad ko pa rin. We have six kids, ‘yung panganay,kaga-graduate lang ng elementary. Kaya ko binigyan ng second chance kasi para sa anim naming anak. Gusto kong lumaking may ama ang mga anak ko, para hindi masira ‘yung family namin. May trabaho ako pero mahirap kung mag-isa ka lang. Naniniwala naman din kasi ako na hindi habambuhay ‘yan magloloko, titino rin yan.”
- Alex, 32
“It was my first serious relationship, we were together for nine years. I gave him a lot of chances. Siguro, three years pa lang kami no’ng nagka-affair siya. Naulit pa ‘yon, but I stayed kasi una, nakikita ko na ‘yung future ko with him at naging dependent na ako sa kanya. Ang pinakamahirap din for me is ang i-let go ang family niya, friends, and the memories. Plus, iyong benefits ng may boyfriend like may maghahatid at susundo sa’yo. Inisip ko before na magbabago pa naman siya, pero I was wrong. Naulit nang naulit. Natauhan ako, so we broke up.”
- Sam, 27
“I’m that person who forgives easily, but never forgets. Forgiving your partner is like forgiving yourself—you forgive yourself for allowing someone to hurt you and go through the pain. Forgiving yourself for choosing the wrong man. Forgiving yourself for being imperfect, so he cheated. It cannot be undone, and your only choice is to pick yourself up and move on, but never give up on love.”
- Toni, 23
“Unang una, wala namang perpektong tao. Lahat tayo nagkakamali. Kung ang Panginoon nga kahit paulit-ulit tayong nakagagawa ng kasalanan tinatanggap pa rin niya tayo kahit gaano pa kabigat ang ating kasalanan. Kaya ganoon din dapat tayo. Ako binigyan ko ng second chance hindi lang para sa nag-iisa naming anak, hindi lang para sa pamilya namin, kundi para na rin sa ikapapanatag ng loob ko. ‘Yung second chance na ‘yon ay para mabigyan siya ng pagkakataong magbago at pagsisihan niya ang nagawa niyang pagkakamali.”
- Kris, 33
“I loved him and I believed that there was a room for improvements sa relationship namin. I accepted him because I didn’t want to have regrets later on—'di ko malalaman kung may chance pang maging okay if I did not make a move. We tried. But, after a few months, we realized na hindi na kami gaya no’ng dati. Wala ng spark. It did not work out, but I know we gave our best.
- Jam, 25
“Two years na kami nang bigla na lang umeksena ‘yung ex-girlfriend niya. May mga misunderstanding kami no’n kaya siguro nakahanap ng comfort do’n. After a week, bumalik s’ya sa’kin, humingi ng sorry, umiyak, kaya pinatawad ko. Hindi lang dahil mahal ko, kundi somehow pinakita niyang deserving s’ya. Naging okay kami no’n hanggang sa isang araw, I felt na there’s something wrong sa relasyon namin. Nagsasawa na raw siya, tapos dinahilan niya 'yung sakit ko—heart disease. A month after ng break up namin, nalaman kong nagkaka-mabutihan pala sila ng ex niya.”
- George, 22
Love is complicated, but it teaches us lessons if we allow it to teach us. There’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all solution to relationships. We all have our own sets of breaking points and levels of patience. And whatever your choice is, we hope it’s for the better.
*Names have been changed upon interviewees' request.
Interviews have been edited for clarity and brevity.